#is damaging as far as I'm reading it
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Midnight Menagerie Chapter 19 is LIVE
**SHAKES UH OH DOGGY BAG OF TREATS**
This aint an April Fool's joke folks. This chapter is DARK and I wish I was kidding but I'm not LOL
The second biggest chapter I have ever written for MM is LIVE!
Please please please mind the content warning on this one guys. From here on out, we're getting into the darkest segments of the story. Every negative tag will be relevant. For the sake of spoilers, I'll only label the extremely graphic scenes. ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN! CHOO CHOO
#midnightbeesfic#rwby#bumbleby#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#ilia amitola#Honestly there were scenes in this chapter that made ME fucked up#and I WROTE IT#Please read this while sitting down#I'm not responsible for psyche damage#Also I am so sorry Neon Katt lovers I personally adore her I just needed a scapegoat#doesn't help with that 15 min short that just came out either LOL oops#24k words good fucking christ#The biggest chapter still remains the hangover chapter#have fun!!!#remember to lick and comment to let me know how much this fucked you up i mean how you're enjoying so far!
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Here’s a. Very real dream I had last year. Happy pride.
#magic pretzel#comic#genshin#happy pride#like i already knew i was Not Straight (bi) before this but. man#been saving this one for nearly a year 'cause i wanted to post it during june#i do upload these to webtoon btw#it's mostly a for fun thing but i do feel bad when i upload late or don't upload at all.#like it's not serious but. hhhhhgggg#my rating keeps dropping on there it's at an 8.32 rn which isn't even that bad#it's 'cause. i'm late all the time kdjhfgsdjfgh#anyways uhhh if you're reading this far you can get a story time#new years 2019 i caaaasually came out to my bf at the time like '20-gay-teen is over 20-bi-teen better be my year'#he didn't catch it#we broke up but we're good frens now wee#last year i sent him a twt post that was like#'gay people will be like 'this piece of media did irreparable damage to my psyche' and then recommend it to a friend'#because i do that uwu and then 2 days after i was like 'hey remember that post i sent you'#to which he responded '.....is this you coming out'#me: .....technically no 'cause i actually told you this while we were dating#'.....w H A T'#yeah that's how he learned a whole 3+ years later#thank you that was your bedtime story <3
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ok i'm almost done with the new firmament chapter, i have So Many thoughts 👀
#keeping my thoughts in the tags bc it's late and this in not going to be very coherent#positive thing first: i did enjoy the lore!! i'm a sucker for lore dumps and i love to connect dots so it was a very fun read to me#that said. it was fun but also convoluted af in some points so i saved everything in the journal to analyse it#after the entirety of firmament comes out. i have Many Thoughts about the shames mention and the judgements#but i have Zero Braincells to elaborate them. they're all going in the red string board until further notice#one thing i did NOT vibe with were the christian references but you all know that about me by now#i'm just trying to appreciate the funky cosmic horror vibe here i don't need a gloria in excelsis deo reference#(i understand it conveys a specific vibe but. there are many other things that can do that)#talking from a character pov this chapter was SO PERFECT for my guy's own flavour of insanity. drowning him in violant forever >:)#also. he wasn't happy about erasing the prisoner's memories. he understood it was necessary but he didn't like to destroy them#(i ended up leaving him with Love)#speaking of the prisoner. what the fuck is going on with him. i need to study him under a microscope#(and reread everything when i have more braincells)#i'm also very glad to finally have a bit more info about the vulgate and the apocryphal realities#this chapter answered a few questions and i hope the nex one will answer even more#tldr: very cool lore even if it was Confusing AF sometimes (but we still have more chaoters to read so we'll see)#+ i love zenith so fucking much it's my favourite roof location so far!! psychic damaging memory beam city <333#anyway goodnight#fl spoilers#chitchat
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The rambles are so back!!!
Wasn't expecting black dresses to drop a new album but I really love this thing, a bunch of tracks just scratch my brain so gooddd
#I stil lgot a bunch of their albums to listen to so far#I'm at like 3 as of now#really like their music tho#i need to animate with one someday aughhh#anyhow I got reading glasses yesterday#mainly because I found out I'm slightly astigmatic and that with these my eyes are gonna suffer less recoil screentime damage#the cons of drawing a bunch all the time#oh well at least they look nice!!!#beetle's ramblings
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Finally giving Final Fantasy XIV a try now that I have the computer space. My boy Izayoi Matsuri is a dumbass who tries to climb on top of everything as a shortcut and can't see where he's going.
#Final Fantasy XIV#FFXIV#I say my dumbass boy as if I'm not the one controlling him#I wanted to play with a friend but a lot of the stuff is locked behind leveling up so I wanted to speed through doing that#So I didn't read any of the dialogue so far or watch any cutscenes#Plotwise I have absolutely no idea what's going on#I'm moving on quest markers alone and that means I'm not even looking at him- I'm looking at the map#Ran my poor boy into so many things he probably got brain damage now from glitching through roots#If I draw anymore FFXIV stuff it'll probably be as me but I wanted to draw Matsuri at least once because I spent 3 hours designing him#3 god forsaken hours to find out you can change his clothes with armor so his tummy is gonna be hidden anyways#And then like 30 minutes on trying to name him by Au Ra standards before looking at the moon and going 'I'm gonna name him moon festival'#Insanity Draws#Insanity of Mojiru
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I know there are as many religious good guys as there are religious bad guys in IDW, but I think I pinned down the reason why it feels like the most prominent religious figures are all bad guys and it's pretty much due to the worldbuilding.
Maybe my memory of the comics is just really bad, but the religious worldbuilding in IDW is....kind of trash honestly. I'm not sure there's a single religion or religious custom that doesn't exist solely to further the plot along. Like, it's one thing for the Camiens to worship the Primes and that causes a lot of stuff in exRID/OP, but what does that worship actually look like? What are their holidays, customs, religious texts? What about "spectralism" which basically the only thing we know about is the Festival of the Lost Light and some hippie color coding and aura shit? Like sure, there are characters who are religious and their beliefs come into play sometimes, but it honestly feels (especially in MTMTE) more like their religiousness only exists when it's relevant to the plot and it's just kinda. Disappointing eh. Lacking in worldbuilding. Plus the more religious a character is the more it's written as their entire personality and the driving force making them evil so it just kinda made me cringe to read honestly.
#squiggposting#i think there might be more 'religious moments' than i remember since it's been a hot minute since i read#but i remember during my first read/while liveblogging it was something that disappointed me#i know it's probably unfair or whatever but it still makes me cringe so hard#that the reason tyrest suddenly became a religious zealot was because he got shot with a brain altering bullet#and his religious fervor is almost literally just a product of him being brain damaged and delusional#like oooooooooooooooooooooooof it's so fucking cringe lol#i'm not sure if i'm making sense honestly. it's not so much the NUMBER of evil vs non evil religious characters#but it's more like. the more prominently religion is part of a character's personality or motivation#the odds of them just being an evil guy shoots up to almost 100%#also then there's dr/ft who's a fucking clown and 'spectralism' is just some half baked hippie shit i can't take seriously#guess my problem isn't with IDW so much as it is with JRO lol#anyways not an objective analysis i might be wrong on some counts that was just my feelings as i read#and also i just don't like it when the worldbuilding around culture only exists when it comes to plot related stuff#it really makes the world feel less lived in/realistic when it's established that there are multiple religions#but then as far as actual customs- beliefs- texts- philosophies- etc there's hardly anything#so the good guys may be religious but there's not much about what their beliefs actually entail and how they impact their daily life#and on the other hand the bad guys are screaming about how they're god's chosen all over the place
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#it's 1am and i'm depressed and don't want to go to bed#there's such an unbelievable amount of century-defining tragedy and horror in the world rn#and i know that’s always true but jfc we know about so much more of it simultaneously now#like i'm supposed to be chill and functional in the face of war pandemic climate change forever chemicals micro plastics and fascism?#and and and?#i'm supposed to smile and ask follow-up questions when people tell me about vacations to Hawaii#rather than shaking them and saying holy fuck stop doing that please learn about the ramifications and historical context of your actions#i'm supposed to smile and give a measured response when a new coworker asks my other coworker and me#when they can/SHOULD use generative AI *for work purposes*#rather than screaming and throwing articles at them about the environmental impact of LLM bullshit#and that's all large scale#that's not getting into the fact that there's a growing family chilliness over refusal to communicate about I/P shit#or the fact that my mom is dying slowly and hates it and is worsening her relationship with my siblings little by little#or the fact that I'm peeling away at my sanity trying to process a divorce and get healthcare for my cat and dental care for myself#or the fact that it takes hours of research to find DISH SOAP THAT DOESN’T KILL THE MICROBIOMES OF THE LOCAL WATER SUPPLY#(10/10 recommend 'blueland' for that if you're reading btw)#like i'm painfully aware of the back-patting level of efficacy that i have for buying different soap and going to the farmer's market#but there's only so much i can do so i have to try to do what i can right? but it's so little and everything is so much#and my mental health is a mess; the fact that my particular neurotype is known to get more volatile with age scares the shit oit of me#like it's this bad at 33 and it gets WORSE?#my job is great for personal privilege but so *so* meaningless and redundant#and how tf do i look at all of this and not feel fucking hopeless?#i can distract myself with my garden but the candide approach was myopic even in the 17th century so it's hard to justify now#I'm so tired#just... fuck man#tag rant#i should delete this but I'll forget if you read this far i hope it wasnt damaging to your mental health#i just had to let off the brain scream pressure somewhere
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WIP Wednesday | Tagging @thesingularityseries @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @adelaidedrubman @strafethesesinners @strangefable @nightbloodbix @aceghosts @madparadoxum @g0dspeeed @trench-rot @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @euryalex @sstewyhosseini @detectivelokis @purplehairsecretlair @jinfromyarikawa @shegetsburned @clicheantagonist @locustandwildhoney @fourlittleseedlings @poisonedtruth @vampireninjabunnies-blog @cassietrn @wrathfulrook @jacobsneed @voidika @harmonyowl @henbased @schoute and anyone with something to share <3
Sharing another snippet from Chapter 10: Calahan and Leslie's first meeting. A rocky start of a bromance. Sprinkling some Mary May x Hartley breadcrumbs in there, too. <3
Hours after discovering Harker passed out on the side on the road among two other dead Resistance members, Calahan found himself parking his truck in front of the Spread Eagle. Arguably, he had never needed a drink more. Not only had he lost two recruits, no matter how difficult they had proven themselves to be, while the third was still recovering from the Bliss bullet he was hit with, but he had discovered his biggest fear to be true: Sabrina was in the hands of John Seed, just like Hudson. He couldn't come up with any other explanation for what Justin had seen on that road after Charlie's group had ambushed the bastard. The woman sparing a life, the child in the car, every detail he had received from the woozy teen further confirmed his theory about the identity of the woman John had with him. And Savannah. His gaze darkened at the thought of the kid that called him uncle anywhere near that goddamned bunker. "Gray wouldn't allow it. She would fight like hell.", he whispered to himself as he finally exited the Eden's Gate truck he had recommissioned from a capture party recently. "Rest in peace, NOT, fuckers.", he said out loud as he slammed the door shut and turned in the direction of the bar. A couple of minutes later he was sitting in his usual seat inside, nursing a glass of whatever liquor Mary May still had in stock after John Seed had his men confiscate her main stash few days back. Bastard is quickly climbing up my shit list. Calahan didn't care much about what she was serving him as long as it took the edge off, calmed him down after finally getting news on Sabrina and her sister. His eyes fell down on the handmade rainbow bracelet Savannah had gifted him few weeks back, something he hadn't taken off since she had tied it around his wrist with the biggest grin on her freckled face. It was another reminder of what needed protecting, why he fought as hard as he did even before the Reaping's start. Why he argued with Whitehorse so often, why he lashed out at the damned Peggies as a result, why he didn't give a single fuck about protocol when it came to the Project. As he ran his fingers over the white beads that spelled out his actual name, not "Rookie", he told himself this is what Joseph should never get his claws into: the innocents he could so easily poison with his deadly ideas. And yet John had done just that- gotten his hands on Savannah, too. Where are you, Tiny? You better be alright or he will be paying in blood.
"Something's on your mind, Rookie. I can tell.", Mary May stopped in front of him. He let out a dry laugh, "Just the usual bullshit, gorgeous. Don't worry." "You sure?", she eyed the way he was gripping the glass in his hand as he willed his anger to settle down, to retreat, "You seem out of sorts. I've seen that look before, you know, then seconds later you were punching a customer." "He was asking for it." "Didn't say he wasn't. But still… what's up?", Mary May raised an eyebrow and leaned against the bar, her hand coming to rest on top of his. Calahan found himself unable to process the unexpected touch after months of her ever only being annoyed with his flirting. He opened his mouth, wishing all his worry would pour out as easily as she poured his next drink, knowing she was good at listening to people. Her soft blue eyes assured him of it in that moment, hinting that maybe she actually cared for him. Was willing to hear him out. But the words never came, instead the bell above the door chimed, putting an end to the brief moment between them as she returned to her post to greet whoever had entered. Calahan didn't bother turning around, instead he released a tired sigh and took another sip. He reveled in the familiar burn of the alcohol as it slid down his throat, in the promise it would get him closer to feeling numb, even for a short while. "I will be damned.", Mary May exclaimed suddenly. Her tone made him look towards the bar's entrance sharply, his hand immediately reaching for his pistol on instinct in anticipation of trouble. It took him seconds to register the sight in front of him, seconds where he wondered if he was imagining things, if the liquor was hitting him harder than expected. Certainly that was the only explanation for seeing John Fuckface Seed standing in front of him. Before he could think twice, he practically flew from his chair, almost knocking it over as he charged at the bastard. His hand wrapped around his neck before he slammed him into the wall next to the door with all his might.
"Where is SHE?", Calahan screamed, the anger he was struggling to keep under wraps escaping at the unexpected appearance of the man that fucked with him daily. The man that paraded Hudson on his broadcast as a cautionary tale for what's to come. The man that he suspected had Sabrina and an innocent child as prisoners, too. Deep blue eyes stared at him in confusion, betraying his panic. Good. You should be afraid. "I'm-", the bastard tried to croak out, the force of Hartley's hold on his windpipe made it impossible for him to get anything else out. Calahan knew he had to loosen his grip, that he'd get no information from a deadman, but his hate for the Seeds had reached a boiling point with the missed opportunity to save Sabrina still fresh on his mind. "CALAHAN! Stop.", Mary May pulled at his shoulder, trying to bring him back from the edge, at the same time the man grabbed his wrist, twisting his arm behind his back swiftly. "I am not JOHN SEED.", came out as a frustrated shout as he restrained him, the words making Hartley blink in surprise, his face no doubt mirroring Mary May's. "Let go of my arm, bastard, if you don't want me to break yours.", he gritted out and whoever the man was finally released his arm. "Rookie. You okay?", Mary May whispered as she put a hand on his bicep, her gaze a mix of shock and concern. "He attacked me, m'am. And you're asking if he's okay?" M'am? Fuck me. Definitely not John Seed. Calahan turned around, scanning the man that stood in a defensive pose in the doorway from head to toe. The dark hair, beard, blue eyes… he could pass for John's fucking double. "I will be damned.", he parroted Mary May's words from earlier, "Who the fuck are you?" The stranger rubbed his throat before answering, "Detective Leslie Parish. I'm here looking for, well, you." Calahan couldn't help the shocked laugh that escaped him, "Isn't my day just getting better and better?", he returned to his seat and pointed to the chair next to him, "Sit."
Mary May sprung back into action, retreating behind the bar as she addressed what she considered now a potential customer, "Anything to drink, Detective?" "Whiskey. On the rocks, uh-", Leslie responded in a low tone as he sat down and rubbed his face, "Sorry, I didn't catch your name…" "Mary May." She wasted no time pouring him a drink which he downed immediately the second she put it down in front of him. "Thank you." "Now you've officially passed the test. Definitely not John Seed.", Calahan spoke up, making the detective next to him laugh. "Sorry for almost choking the life out of you.", he added and reached a hand to him, "Deputy Calahan Hartley, though most call me Rookie." The man accepted the handshake with a raised eyebrow, "You're new to the Sheriff's?" "No." "Should I call you Rookie, then?" Calahan paused, not many had bothered to ask him that question, not since Sabrina had shown up on her first day months ago. "Calahan or Cal would be nice." Leslie nodded, "Noted." "I gather you're aware you look like a certain someone?", Mary May interjected. "My last few days have been hell. Fuck, the moment I arrived in your beautiful County, I had a shotgun pointed at my face. Lost count how many times I had to explain to people I'm not John Seed, or say I'm not related to him or his brother in any way." "Have to admit, it's kind of a challenge not to punch you in the face, no offense.", Calahan eyed him with curiosity, "Why are you here?" "I planned on visiting someone when all hell broke loose. Haven't managed to find her yet." "Who?" "I thought if anyone would know where she is, it would be you, Deputy.", Leslie took a deep breath, his blue eyes filled with worry as he muttered, "I'm looking for Sabrina Donovan. She used to tell me stories about you anytime we talked over the phone, then people mentioned your name as the one in charge of things out here, and it all clicked. I knew who I had to track down." Well, fuck me, ain't that a plot twist.
"I don't know what to say, aside from that I'm looking for her as well. Have been for days now.", Calahan took out his zippo, flicking it open and closed in attempt to soothe his nerves. "Where is she, Calahan? What happened?" "You might need another drink before I tell you that story." Leslie's eyes narrowed while Mary May poured him a second glass. "What happened?", he repeated in a low tone. "On the first we got called in afterhours by the Sheriff himself, Sabrina included, weren't told much about why until a Federal Marshal walzed in announcing we'd be arresting Joseph Seed. He was so giddy, too giddy." "Sabrina didn't tell me anything about the cult, how serious things were…" "Sounds just like her, too independent for her own good.", Calahan gave him a sad smile, before continuing, "So, we flew over to his compound, entered the fucker's church while he's holding a service in the middle of the night. Like what the hell, right? Sheriff had decided Sabrina would have the honors to slap the cuffs on him. At the last second, she backed away, all frantic, saying something's wrong." "She's never afraid of arrests. I've known her for years. She has chased down all sorts of questionable characters… not once have I seen her flinch.", Leslie's face darkened, but he didn't say anything else, waiting for more. "My thoughts exactly, but this family, Detective… They're different.", Calahan lowered his voice, "The second we walked in John fucking Seed was eyeing her with interest. Got even worse when she hesitated to arrest his brother while the Marshal lost his shit at the delay. I jumped in, cuffing him. We managed to escort him out… but his people refused to let him go, crashed our chopper." "Sabrina… is she dead? Is this what you're trying to tell me?" Hartley shook his head, "Last time I saw her, she was alive. I insisted to get her out, to help with that fucking seatbelt. Joseph's men were all around, took away the others from the chopper. Sabrina demanded I run, promising she'd be right behind." He was close to losing his cool at the memory of that cursed early morning.
Mary May put an ashtray in front of him then, whispering, "I'm making an exception this one time." Calahan gave her a grateful smile, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag of it before adding, "We never reunited, I bumped into the fucking Marshal instead, bastard left me to drown after we tried to make a run for it and a freaking plane sent our truck flying off a bridge." "Fuck." "Yeah. A good samaritan saved me. Dutch. Helped me get back on my feet, offered we start a resistance seeing how the cult has everything on lock down and no help is coming." "Good call, with everything gone to shit." He nodded, "We had a mole, you know. Fucking Nancy. Loyal to the "Father", as Joseph likes to call himself. Didn't get us the reinforcement Whitehorse asked for." "And Sabrina?" "Have been looking for her ever since the goddamned Reaping started. It's what they call this shitshow. "Reaping". Think they're saving our souls, that the world is about to end…" Leslie looked lost in thought as he uttered out, "I saw John's broadcast with the other Deputy." Hartley lit another cigarette, his anger bubbling as he kept reminding himself the man in front of him wasn't John, despite how much he resembled him. "Yeah, he has Joey. Has been calling me daily too, railing me up with her capture, but hasn't said anything about Sabrina." "I went to her house. Cult trucks were parked at the front, no sign of her or her sister, it's why I've been trying to find you, Calahan." "I might have something, but I doubt you'd like it. I sure as hell didn't. Are you sure you're ready?" Leslie downed his drink, "Yes." Mary May winced, "Yeah, maybe avoid saying that word," she gestured to his head, "with that face." "Sorry.", he sent her a knowing smile.
"Earlier today, a trainwreck of a recruit showed up here with his buddies, claiming he has intel on John's next move, was planning to ambush him. I didn't believe it, so I turned down their invite." "Something tells me they were right?" "Sadly. Hour or so later, I get a call from the youngest guy, saying they have him, listing off their location before he went silent. I drove there and found quite the bloody scene." Leslie's hands formed fists on the bar. "Bastard killed two of the three guys, slashed their throats, the one that contacted me got shot with a Bliss bullet, but he's recovering." "Bliss bullet?" "Potent shit. It's a drug the cult makes, knocks you out in seconds, the things they use it for… pure hell, Detective." "How are things this bad?" "They've been preparing. Joseph claims to see the future, you know. Visions from God, he calls them. When we showed up at the church, he said he knew we'd come, that we'd try to take him away, but "God" won't let us." "Fuck, and Rina didn't think to tell me any of this. Assured me it's all fine.", Leslie muttered in frustration. "She does that a lot, doesn't she?" "Who shot Harker with a Bliss bullet?", it was Mary May that spoke up, her voice curious. Calahan took a deep breath, revealing what he had planned on keeping a secret. "Sabrina.", he said quietly, glad the bar was empty. "What the fuck, Rookie?" "She saved the bastard, gorgeous. He has her sister, from what Harker told me." Leslie slammed his hand on the bar, "Savannah. Where are they?", he got up from his chair, but Hartley caught his arm, stopping him from storming out. "Sit down, Les. As much as it pains me to say this, to be the voice of reason… we have to be rational about this."
"I should have come with her.", he said darkly, but followed Calahan's advice. "I've been down that road, too. Thoughts about what I should have done keep me up at night. But if I know one thing about Sabrina… she's resourceful, resilient." "She is.", he smiled. "I don't know for certain where she could be, it kills me to think he dragged Savannah into that bunker.", his fingers touched the bracelet again absently, "But we can't storm it, not with how much manpower and resources he has, not without a solid plan or people we can rely on, especially when we have no eyes inside to be sure she's even there." "Fuck. I- I know you're right, Deputy." "He hasn't mentioned her once, Leslie. Not once in the radio calls to me, she's not in the broadcast, it's like he doesn't want people to know he has her. Anytime I ask about her, he dodges my question." "He's planning something." Mary May looked between the two with a unreadable expression, "You don't think he turned her?" "Fuck no, Mary May. You know Sabrina. I just told you she saved Harker." "Fuck.", she pursed her lips, "Rookie, I know the games John plays, how he breaks people. And after Nancy… what if Sabrina's on his side, too? Maybe has been all along." Calahan shook his head sharply, "She's not turned. She's not a fucking Peggie. I know her." "Fine. For what is worth, you know I trust your judgment.", Mary May crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a stern look. "Peggies?", Leslie seemed lost in thought as he asked that. "Project at Eden's Gate, Peggies for short. It's what locals call Joseph's men." "Noted."
Hartley took a deep breath, putting out his cigarette before he turned to Leslie, "Look, I know there's not much to do right now about Sabrina, not without more information… but seeing how you're here, that you found me, maybe it's all for the best. I sure as hell can use another helping hand against the Project." Leslie's eyes darkened, a look of determination coming over his features, "Your battle is now my battle, too, Calahan." "Good.", Calahan raised his glass for a toast before asking, "You got a gun, Detective?" Leslie nodded, "My service weapon.", he opened his leather jacket, showing off a holstered pistol. "We're gonna get you more serious firepower ASAP.", Calahan pointed to the gun, "You had to use it yet?" "A few times. The "Peggies" are everywhere. Even tried to take over the motel I was staying at. I tried to help people along my way here as much as possible.", he said the nickname with uncertainty. "Learning fast. The only good Peggie is a dead one, Les, because chances are they'd try to take you back to John's bunker or dunk you in the river to cleanse you.", Calahan's voice became lighter, "Hell, now that I'm thinking of it, you have an advantage, if you ask me. They see your face and start to wonder if they're not about to shoot their precious leader, giving you an extra second to strike." Leslie chuckled humorlessly, "What a way to spend my vacation days. I will keep it in mind." "Is Abeline okay?", Mary May questioned, her tone laced with worry. "She was when I left, she's a fighter. Who do you think pulled that shotgun on me? Never have been more confused in my life. She went from wielding a gun to making me coffee." "Good old Abby.", Mary May laughed, "Thank you, Detective. For looking out for our people." Her words made Leslie look away, "Just doing my duty." "We got a shy one on our hands, gorgeous.", Calahan slapped him on the back as he got up and headed for the door, "Come now, there's some people you need to meet." Leslie finished his drink, muttering a quiet "thank you" on his way out. "Leslie." Mary May called out before they could exit, reaching under the bar and pulling out a Spread Eagle branded hat that she threw at him, "Might want to cover your face as much as possible. Spare yourself a "friendly" welcome or two."
#hehe; new WIP banner; so happy with this one <3#(and spent way too long editing a bracelet with cal's name and you can't even read it in the header but oh well :D)#Leslie should so sue John for damages; but then again he'd probably hit him right back worse#Leslie when finally meeting John: “YOU KNOW HOW HARD LIFE HAS BEEN SINCE I STEPPED A FOOT IN THIS COUNTY? It's all your fault.”#John be like: I have an easy solution... *offering him free a haircut; shave or facial surgery*#Yes.. the Peggies have no pictures of Leslie; and I imagine them using a John picture as placeholder and going: “similar but different”#cue the *angry noises* from both men#I'm wishing luck to Sabrina to stop Calahan from annihilating John when the 3 are finally in the same room if he goes off like that at Les#wip wednesday#wip: in hope of tomorrow#oc: calahan hartley#oc: leslie parish#fc5 ocs#mary may fairgrave#far cry 5 oc#ocs#original characters#wip stuff#wip snippet#dialogue snippet#my ships#wip#wip excerpt#fc5 fandom#snippets#wip sneak peek#current wip#fc5 deputy#far cry 5 deputy#wip whenever
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
#little rock.txt#venting#self harm in tags btw#anyway. wow i hate intrusive thoughts.#like great guys. it's so cool that the way we're deciding to spend our time is constantly thinking about ways to hurt myself#oh wow stabbing myself with a knife someone left on the counter? so original. never been seen before#oh starving myself?? even when my lovely friend made us a whole dinner?? that's lovely. wow. not even a little bit rude#standing in traffic until someone comes and hits me? at least that wouldn't damage my fucking car like your other ideas!#taking something sharp to my sunburns for a two-birds-one-stone thing?? i guess you're making the best of the circumstances#like jesus fucking christ Grow Up. am i fifteen goddamn years old again#like if we're being So real the consequences of actually self-harming Far outweigh the benefits so i'm not at any real risk#(i do Not want to deal with the fallout of 1. cleaning those wounds 2. confronting my housemates with active self-harm#they actively do not deserve that happening to them)#(hi guys btw sorry. i'm fine)#but that just means i'm sitting here like. so are you gonna be productive or....?#like i had plans of what i wanted to do with my brain power tonight. was gonna write. maybe clip a stream. and we're...?#oh just sitting on my laptop playing music too loud bcus if i could hear my own thoughts it'd be a nightmare? neat.#jesus christ can i be a normal goddamn person for like fifteen minutes and get out of this anxiety spiral. it's been over 24 hours.#whatever. like at this point it's fucking whatever. if i can't drag myself into being productive i'm just gonna go to bed.#“opal is being mean to yourself really going to help” i don't know. i doubt it. unfortunately i am in the mood to be a bitch#and the only person who deserves to deal with bitchy opal is me. so.#anyway if you read all of this uuuhhh sorry. i am like this. but hey. thank you for caring
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So, one of the things I like A Lot in fiction is when I get to see a world map. Mostly for getting a better sense of the borders of fictional nations, I'm a bit of a nerd about that sort of thing.
Well, I got to the first episode of Steven Universe that gives us a map, excited to see where on earth the gems of Homeworld had marked as prime real estate for their terraforming efforts, and... uh...
... I was not expecting VASTLY CHANGED CONTINENTS!!! THAT'S AWESOME!!!!
#su#steven universe#Like... I LOVE IT#but if all these changes are because of damage done in Rose Quartz's rebellion#Then they aren't just an ancient long forgotten world building thing in the background of a completely contemporary modern setting#This kind of changes would've Seriously altered the course of human history!#And now i'm thinking about the fact that an earlier episode took place in a state called 'Keystone' and...#That wasn't just a funny 'we made a fictional us state' It's very likely that The whole US is Different!#And if you've read this far into my rambling tags and are familiar with su. you gotta tell me:#how much does most fanfic play into the alt history aspect of su? I gotta know#I can't be the only one whose as excited about this as I am
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I just finished the Big Encounter tm in Disco Elysium, and... Jesus fucking christ, man
#vu's posts#disco elysium#so uh. heavy spoilers ahead in the tags. so if you haven't gotten very far in the game then stop reading this#...#ok now that spoiler-free people are gone. i need to ramble#by 'big encounter' i of course mean between the scabs and the hardie boys. just to give context#not long before the encounter though i finally met ruby. and that was also a tense situation. like my god#anyways. once i headed to the whirling i saw the whole thing start yknow#as soon as kim dropped a 'fuck' i was so Tense because like. he *never* swears. so i knew that things were gonna go down#i managed to pass both the rhetoric and suggestion checks.. somehow. but that didn't do anything in the end really.#i didn't ever find my gun so i was left on the defensive 😭 luckily i put on the chestplate... thing.#i'm pretty sure that that's what kept me alive tbh#i got hit with two bullets but like i said. the first one hit the chestplate. that took most of the damage there. my leg got hit though#AND i kept kim alive yippee! i have a hunch that he can die if you fail a certain check#(i.e. the one where you warn him about the guy behind him)#also i got a bonus on that check that said that kim *really* trusts me and... 😭😭#ok i think i got all my thoughts out! for now...#i also screen recorded the whole thing. thinking about sharing it tbh. who knows though#WAIT. one more thing. i am *so* shocked that kim made *that* shot. because yknow. he's got vision problems yeah?#like what a fucking badass. like hello#ok NOW i'm done. and i gotta go to sleep now 😂#va4 rambles in the tags
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Maybe I should go back to seeing my therapist, he was a good person, à l'écoute, but maybe I should explain why I stopped seeing him (on top of work load becoming unbearable).
Same with my psychiatrist though I think it'll be harder to see her because of the summer.
#I'm feeling so out of it#I have the worst support system for the terrible mental breakdown I've been having the last few weeks#I only have one friend talking to me and I am just working at my part time job and trying to do school work and work for 2 because one of#them won't work and my family is...well. I thought I could have my mum supporting me but she just can't seem to read the room#but I don't want to become bitter even though I already am. I want to be better but my mind is sinking and maybe I'm as bad as my ex friend#said I was. Maybe I am as much a bad person as my brother says I am. Maybe I'm in denial#I've stopped taking medication for a few months now and it's all slipped back in my mind and I can't rest. I'm always tired or on speed#I feel dull and isolated#I haven't had any physical contact with anyone in weeks (not a hug or a handshake) I feel a little bit alienated#it makes me want to disappear again and go far far away#I don't know what the issue even is. I don't know what mental illness I have. I thought it was bpd but what if it isn't#I just want to be normal. I want to be normal and happy. Rational level-headed not anxious paranoid and exhausted like I am#I want to cry to open the dam of emotions in my brain but it feels like a small tear in highly pressurized tank that's going to do more#damage and no good
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I'm fucking tired of seeing antivaxx, Qanon, brain dead people immediately start conspiracy theories everytime someone talk about having an illness diagnosed.
This is absolutely sick and frightening and incredibly damaging to see people jump to check conclusion like this.
#for context#i come back home from work#make myself hot chocolate#and open Instagram as i always do#now this is were i should stop#i just saw a post of Céline Dion talking about a very rare neurological illness she just got diagnosed with#and I'm not even a fan of her at all but seeing her barely holding up just hurt me#anyway I open the comments#and now it's entirely my own fault for being this stupid#and people are like 'wonder what's the cause uh uh' and plenty of insensitive shit like this#hopefully she doesn't read that shit#because imagine how damaging it'd be to on the top of being ill you have people basically saying you deserve it#and spreading incredibly harmful shit#when i think about all the shit escalating since 2020#and how we all know who is winning with this conspiracy climate#(the far right)#it's honestly frightening me#misc#anyway back to cat videos
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lukewarm takes in the reading response moodle forum 😔
#girl i Know you did not find this text extremely interesting don't lie to me.#also how goofy to lament abt property damage during antiwar protests. c'mon#also banking on this second text i'm abt to read giving me smth to chew on cause i have little to say so far .....#elli.txt
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uhhh i have to disagree, the worst in 2006 was absolutely Not accidentally seeing porn and im earnestly really happy for you, whoever that was, that that was how your kid internet years were
No, kids should not have unsupervised acess to the internet. Yes, I got that and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Its a paradox.
#i think old internet and now have their pros and cons#there's a lot i prefer abt the past but. i definitely do not think it was ever a really Good Place.#i think the sorts of lasting damage you were likely to get were Different#yes the lack of 5 diff corporations owning literally everything back then was awesome!#but i think the internet is generally safer now from like extreme psychological blunt force trauma#it can still happen to you of course but not as easily as back then imo#tbh i'm even willing to go as far as to say i don't think nazi shit is all that big a deal irt indoctrinating kids#you think they're going to read walls of text of esoteric racist shit#again. it CAN happen and yes i think the internet is much more visibly politically charged now#but i think the internet is overall a less bad but also less fun place to roam as a kid now#i'm sorry i'm trying not to full blown argue on tumblr but i think that rb is really bad and irresponsible
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look I know that the home I grew up in wasn't always what you could consider "clean" but I have been seeing a huge uptick in what looks a lot like contamination fears online and I think it's time we admit that the pandemic personally affected our mental health.
#wash your hands as soon as you get home#no outside clothes on the bed#no outside clothes on the furniture#take off your outside shoes#do you wash your legs?#daily mopping and vacuuming#buy organic and wash your veggies as soon as you get home#inspect your food for mold#buy this cleaning supply#buy this hygiene supply#buy a luffa#throw out your luffa#use a washcloth#wash your clothes always with oxy bleach#I'm going to shame you for being gross if you don't exfoliate using a 10-step system during your everything shower#I'm not saying doing any of these things are bad or you have a disorder if you do#just that the attitude online about cleanliness has really tipped over the last few years starting with the pandemic#There are real cultural reasons why 'white people don't wash their legs' was a hot topic I'm not ignoring that#But maybe take a step back and think if you're being reasonable or if maybe you've gone too far.#if you think you're being reasonable you probably are. Just get out of the tiktok shame spiral about cleanliness#Also read the instructions of your cleaning supplies some of you are damaging your possessions and your own health with your cocktails
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